You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
