Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize