chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tell your sister to shave her snatch
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
