were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize