1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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