if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
