i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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