Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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