Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
