I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
