got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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