Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
