Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
