I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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