you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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