I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
