yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
