hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
