haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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