i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Randomize
