My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Randomize
