I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so let's talk penis.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
