I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
