So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
