I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
