she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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