this boner is exhausting
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
