If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
