Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
