sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
