OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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