I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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