So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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