I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
