I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
