I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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