If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I show you my penis last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
