Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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