Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
