When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
