Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
