if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
