I wanna bring you to show and tell
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
