He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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