ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
