Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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