kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
