I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
