so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
