Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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