Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize