that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
