Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize