I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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