you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
