speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
