Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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