I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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