her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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