I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
