by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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