Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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