you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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