happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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