I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
