I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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