i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
