I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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