My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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